Just for laughs

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?
________________________________________________________

A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.

A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"

He replies, "It died today."

"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied

The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.

The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."

The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing"

________________________________________

John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

i thought this was funny as all hell so i thought i would post it here for yall to read


Florida Man Arrested for Having Sex with an Alligator
JUL 13, 2015

EVERGLADES CITY, Florida –

People have had sex with pit bulls, donkeys and even parrots, but this incident is on another level.



Rupert Darwin, 59, kept a 12 foot alligator tied and blindfold for the last month, sexually assaulting the reptile multiple times a day.

Florida Man Arrested for Having Sex with an Alligator
Darwin is a relatively unknown fisherman who lives in the outskirts of the remote town of 400. Residents say he sticks to himself and described him as “odd.”

Police responded after a man out of a nature hike happened to walk by Darwin’s house and saw Darwin having sex with the alligator in his backyard.

The witness heard Darwin say, “next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”

“It was the damn strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” the witness told police. “The gator didn’t even move. It was like it didn’t give a s**t that man was having sex with it.”

Collier County Sheriffs responded and arrested Darwin on multiple counts of animal cruelty and one count of illegally keeping a wild animal.

Excerpt from Darwin’s police statement:
The gator tried to eat me and this was revenge, pure and simple. I don’t have no sexual attraction to gators, but I wanted to teach this bitch a lesson. I could have just killed her, but that would have been too easy. She was getting what she deserved.

Darwin also told police he had planned to chop off the alligator’s tail and pull her teeth as part of his revenge scheme and had even considered performing noise torture on the reptile by playing what Darwin described as “nigger music” over and over.

Darwin claimed the alligator had gotten a hold of his pant leg when he was fishing in a swamp and tried to drag him into the water. Darwin was able to escape without injury, but that had set his resolve to get revenge.

The alligator is being treated for relatively minor injuries and is expected to be released back into the wild within a couple weeks.

I can't even. I am Dying right now!

like alligator rape. like I love my reptiles but to fuck them I did not even know that was possible.

Lol.

Creepy as fuck

o.o'  Well, that's one way to get revenge.

Thats plain scary cx

Anyone like dirty jokes?


A young couple is in the shadows of an empty parking lot having sex in the males car. When they are finished, the man rolls down the window to toss the used condom on the ground.

woman: "Nooooo! Don't put the condom outside people will see it and know what we did" 

The man look out the window in time to see a young boy riding his bike past the car.

man: "Hey you come here!"

The boy rides over to the car.

man: "see that doughnut on the ground, I'll pay you $20.00 if you pick it up and hand it to me"

The boy smiles as he bends down to pick up the doughnut (condom) off the ground and hands it to the man who in turn gives the boy $20.00 as promised. The boy rides home happily on his bike. He enters his home where his mother is waiting for him to come home.

boy: "mama guess what?" 

mama: "what son?"

boy: "this man paid me $20.00 to pick his doughnut (condom) off the ground, but what he doesn't know is that I ate all the jelly out the middle. 


LOL hope you all enjoy I heard that joke many years ago and I always thought it was funny as hell. Maybe that's because I always have a dirty mind. -winks-

Ha

YES!

that was scary o.o