Unattached to Full Roleplay posts. --Alita--

Sitting at a well worn but well kept desk she allowed her eyes to dance over the words as if her mind starved for which the letter spoke of. The handwriting on the slightly damaged scroll was cramped and clearly written in a rush.

 But she was warmed to have any news of the place she once called home. Placing an ash colored hand over the words she blinked a few times as if that would cure the burn that now itched at her eyes. So much has passed since she was forced from home just due to her DNA. Closing her golden colored eyes for a moment a simple small tear escaped those white lashes and slide its way free down her narrow cheek.  Opening them once more she takes in a ragged heavy breath and lets it out slowly. She knew that life was over. She knew she held no claim to her family. However just to hear news from that place ripped the scabbed over wound off her heart once more. Why did she punish her self so? Why did she open herself to so much hurt? And why now? Shaking her head she lifted one thin small hand and removed the tear that had made its way almost to her chin, away. 

"No, I wont do that again" She says to herself, though her voice was thick and wavering with the lie that escaped her ashen colored lips. She tossed the letter aside and stood. 

Her home now had a simple dwelling, not rich in colors and fabric of that said former life, but she could say no one could take this from her. It was hers; and she worked hard for it. Walking to her mirror she picked up the brush she had left discarded on her dresser and pulled her hair back, pinning it off her face. Slowly that courtly mask she wore so often, that mask of indifference that so many knew so well on her. She had taken years to perfect this seamless effect, and it worked well enough to get her by. Though her eyes show slightly pink at this moment from that moment of tears, her mask would be enough to push the others away from her for now.  She lifted her chin some as to make herself seem taller if just a little, and smoothed her hands down the full gown she wore. Always she made point to wear long sleeves, this hide away how much lighter she was than more Grey elven folk. She always made point to wear lighter colors to also give the effect of her darker in color than she truly was. It was enough for people to glance her away then look past her. The white gowns, her hair pinned back, and the mask. Those where her shields from the world.  

Turning she slipped her feet into simple shoes and walked once more past the desk. She paused for a moment though and cast a look to it once more. Picking the letter up she cast her golden eyes across it once more only to then look at the  to the fire. Pausing a moment as if she was lost in thought. Her birth mother was ill. Sick enough they fear she may not make it to months end. Ripping her eyes off the words once more she tosses it into the fire. 

"Then let her Burn in the gaze of the Sun Gods." She said in a mono toned voice and walked from her home to start her day.

Having found a place to let a breath play off her chest she closed her eyes as the sun started to sink down and away for the day. She stood there hands in a manor that showed palms up, drinking in the feel of its rays across what skin was exposed. Bits of her white hair had come lose from her day so far, and now play a light game of tug of war in the breeze that lay across the lands. 

She let her lips move in a silent prayer as she did every day at this time, a small pray to Fenmarel the god for out cast elves. Thanking him for the guide he has been each day and every day in her life. Her heart swelling as she though of his symbol. Two eyes in the dark, those eyes she always saw as a lovely golden tone. Much like her own. 
Another soft prayer came then to Aerdrie thanking for the weather that was blessed on this day. It is then she cracked open her eyes and gazed to the red burning sky before her as the sun sunk even more into the now approaching night. 

Her prayers ended as they always did, with no sound around her and the calm of the earth under her feet. She felt for now centered in this calm that play at her heart. She had her mind full of many things to be done, along with the letter from before. However she would still push on. She knew she must go to the main halls and in time be known, especially since she now lived with in these lands.

Slowly her hands came to her sides, it was only now did she start to feel the slight chill that happen in the air around her bringing her to shiver just slightly. It was of course normal to be slightly chilled when the sun would hide away from the day, and always she felt chilled when it did. Her mother used to say it was due to her fathers mixed blood. As her mother always enjoyed the night over the sun. Many did where she was from. 

This though brought her to stand a little straighter and take in a deep breath. But no more did she need to hide her enjoyment of the sun as it play on her skin. No more did their thoughts of her effect her really. Turning from where she stood she walked now from the bit of woods where she had chosen to pray. perhaps this day she would seek out a small companion of sorts to have as her own. A small animal, or large. Which ever seemed to speak to her the most. But for now it was time for supper, and she could see lights coming on in windows of those who thought the same as she.

The past week had passed and still she managed to stay close to herself, and go for the most part un noticed by those who had lived here. Sitting at her small worn desk she let her hand hold onto a quil made from a fine white feather. Some used charcol pens, but she still liked watching the ink dry after she scratched the surface of her scroll, an odd thing yes. But non the less she enjoyed it all the same. Going from the shinny black to the flat dull that blended smoothly onto the parchment she wrote on. So little things in life where perminant. But this, this seemed as close to someone could get to it. 

Dipping that quil to the fresh black ink she once more wrote in her own little memoir. If one had unrolled the top part of the scroll they would see it dated back a few weeks. SHowing she took the time at least once a day to write with in it. each scroll was no less than a weeks time long, and each marked with the date when it was full. Always spaced perfectly so one scroll didnt run into another. 

'Its quiet here, and I have seen little of the country to be honest. Still I have yet to make time to go to the palace. TO meet this Queen who lays claim to the earth under my shoes. As much as one would assume another could claim earth. An odd thing it is to say one owns a said land. Makes you wonder, is it that very surface of the earth they are claiming or is it the core of the earths depths. If i where to take a handful of her dirt and leave, would I be stealing her land? Such a silly thing to wonder over is it not? But its silly things like this that have kept me going i suppose.

 I took the hand full of dirtI saved from home out today. The land i can not claim as home or my own. The land that i am forbidden to touch again. For what crimes, i ask myself often. Other than the fact I was born. Created out of an indiscrestion my mother had with some half breed. 

It is odd that i use that term, as it was used so strongly on myself. Half breed, which its not even true. I am more than half of their lovely blood line. But to them anything less than pure is less than enough. Why do i cling to these thoughts of the past? Why do wake at night tears in my eyes still?' 

Leaning back on her seat she gazed around her room, it was clean but simple. Nothing overly grand, she didnt wish to spend good gold on a place she was not sure she was fully wanted in. What if there where others of her mothers kind? Would they cast her out as well?

'I wake panting in my own pools of tears when I see my mothers face. All for a marrage, all for to lay on her death bed as I write this. Was it worth it?  I hear she has yet to give him even a child. What if I was her only chance at a child? Does she regret how she threw me to the side? Perhaps she will call for me as the gods take her breath from her lungs and strangle her to death.' 

Bitterness play across her ashen colored face as she wrote this last bit. So much heat in her heart, but it wasnt something she would admit to, to just anyone. No these where always her own thoughts. Shaking her head she poured sand over the wet ink and blew lightly, watching the grains dance across the scroll. Lifting it and pour what sand would dream off it into a small dish on her desk. rolling the scroll up she tied it with a simple purple ribbon to hold it. It was her way of knowing which she currently wrote with in. Then as if it was nothing she walked across her room, her white skirts dancing at her feet as she did and let it fall ontop of several other scrolls. Though each of those had a simple white ribbon around them.